Week 3 I'm in Kansas!

Dear Friends and Family,

I am sorry everyone is sick! OH NO!  Did Tacy have a specific animal at the zoo she adored?  I am so glad you guys had fun while they were there.  How was the wedding!?!? It was on my mind ALL of Saturday! I hope she liked my letter.  Weird to think the next time I write her it will be Patty SPROUSE. But it suits her because Cameron suits her. I am positive she was LOVELY! You know how ravishing of a person inside and out Patty is.

 DRINK THAT MILK BUD! I haven't had milk in over a week, so consume it for the both of us!  Where I am living: Lawrence, Kansas.  I don't know my address because my trainer is not here. (I will get to that) but I am actually serving in the UNIVERSITY WARD for KU.  So that's funny.  Out here we have a set of sisters and a set of Elders for every ward, so we are also covering the Lawrence Second ward, especially while everyone is gone from our ward for Christmas break (which is until January 20th)  Because we serve in the University ward mainly, all of our meals have been out to eat somewhere.  I have been to a pizza place where they have cream cheese instead of sauce.  Sounds nasty but it is AMAZING and I have been to Chipotle twice.  I miss home cooked meals.  I finally had one last night, but it was spicy Chile.  meeeeh. 

 IT IS FREEZING HERE!  We had an ice storm/snow storm on Saturday and it is currently snowing right NAO (that's for bud, he can translate).  I am as bundled as can be, but it is still STINKING COLD!  The people in Kansas are weenies when it snows and cancelled church yesterday except for a basic hour for sacrament meeting for everyone to go to.(spoken by someone who lived in Idaho where Church is almost never canceled for snow.)

      The interesting weird stuff. So my companion's name is Sister Payton.  She is super chill, but nice once you get past her rather intimidating exterior.  She is 20 and is already done with college. Holy cow right! (did I mention I am the oldest missionary in all of Lawrence? Because I am.  Yet the newest missionary here.  It's like I need a cane and a rattle at the same time)  She is from Provo, but apparently her mom didn't want to live like normal Utah families so they chose to live in the "slums" of Provo and she got in the interesting crowds growing up and some of her friends died in like gang fights or something.  Crazy right?  So when I came on Wed the sisters were in the process of moving.  so I stayed the night with them at the home of the  members who they were had been living with.  Then Thursday we did teach some appointments but never got the chance to move into our new apartment.  So we bunked with  an apt of 4 sisters 2  who were moving our  because they had been a trio with them, the other two sisters are ALSO moving because their apartment is underneath pot smokers and the stink comes down through the vents.  So I might have gotten high while I was sleeping.  Because I smelt it while I was drifting off.  But we stayed the night with them.  When we FINALLY were able to move out on FRIDAY, the other sisters had to move with us because one of them, sister Delo Santos (who is not Mexican, she is actually Filipino) has started sleep walking on her mission.  And steals people's stuff in the night while she sleep walks, the items are never to be found again.  Most of it is her stuff, however she has taken over 120 dollars cash (60 of which was mine) while I have been here.  So, they had to come stay with us because her companion could sleep through WWII, so there is no way she could catch her.  Although we ALL have slept through it.  I woke up enough to go "why are people moving around?" and then went back to sleep.  Oops.  Her sleep walking has gotten bad enough we all went to the emergency room on Saturday (because her companion, sister tapesoua-is i spelled it right- has no licence and due to sister Delo Santos' sleep walking she was told not to drive) so we had to go too.  After that she was told to go home to get medical help in Utah that she can't get here.  So my companion drove them to Wichita last night on the very icy roads while I am in a trio with some other sisters in our district.  They are really awesome, so that's okay.

I hope that all made sense. at least kind of.      My first district

Obviously we have a car, but we have a certain allotted number of miles. I don't know what it is.  Due to all the DRAMA that has been going on I haven't been trained AT ALL.  They keep telling me once things get back to "normal" that she will train me and such.  So I just hope things will because I want to be a missionary and not someone who permanently is moving (no really, I slept at a different place 5 out of the 7 nights last week) and helping a klepto sleep walker-who, when she is awake is actually quite delightful.  

      I was in the mission home Tuesday night, ate and slept there.  They are nice but I can tell they are confused about what to do with a person like me.  I have been told I am no longer allowed to sneeze or laugh, except on p day because my laugh and sneeze scare the spirit away.  Which sucks.  But oh well.  That applies to me, not everyone, FYI.  So when I laugh I cover my mouth and practically suffocate myself every time.  I will figure it out.  But they are nice.  Although I can tell Sister Bell the Mission Pres.'s wife, think I am unladylike.  *shrug* .

My bedding was here when I arrived, so BOOM.  It has been nice and snugly. By the way, one of the sisters has a stuffed duck, I WANT STANLEY! Please?  Pretty Please?

We will be spending Christmas with a family called the Richie's?  Apparently they claimed ALL the missionaries in Lawrence.  Oh and I just found out we will be calling home at 1 pm on wed.  And if not we will let you know? idk we will see.  

    Anyone can SEND me emails, I just can't guarantee I will have time to respond to them because I take about an hour to write out the one to the family to make sure I tell as much as I can.  Yet I still always forget stuff.  So, keep that in mind.  Feel free to give my email to Patty, Steven and stephers( Stephanie) tho. I want to hear from them!  

I have not had a chance to do anything with tea due to this MADNESS. it's insane.  I don't feel good because I ate the spicy chili yesterday, augggggh.  It was good, but so hot.

 A few things Steven would appreciate:  I accidentally flung one of my socks into a toilet bowl at church while I was changing for volleyball.  Needless to say, I played volleyball with only one sock on.  And then I saw it still in the bathroom the next day.  Oops.  We crank our church music UP in the car, so we are hard core sister missionaries.  You don't want to mess with us.  And one of them is actually a rap song! About bringing people to Jesus.  One of our investigators knits and he made my companion a scarf.  So that's how hard core we are.  We have knitting investigators who make us things.  BOOM. And we ALL talk in British accents when we are by ourselves.  They all liked my cockney accent.  Thank you my fair lady for teaching it to me.

The music rules here are weird.  They changed it to be "easier" which made it harder for me.  instead of hymns and Motab it has to be any music about Jesus by active church members.  Which means my Mozart and orchestra music and others that are HYMNS but not by members are no good. :(  But we also have song with more of a beat! so that's nice.  I wish I had brought the Forgotten Carols now.  And that i brought CD's for the car.  Oh well.  A lot of sisters have WAY more clothes than me and a carry on case, which i don't have.  I now wish I hadn't followed the clothing guidelines so closely, but oh well. there was no way to know.  And I miss Stanley my bear. 

     So I challenged a guy to baptism on Thursday, that is James.  He is the guy who knit sister Payton a scarf.  he said he wants to finish the Book of Mormon and know for himself first.  It wasn't so bad to get rejected.  I thought being a missionary would be like "oh man, this is weird I am a missionary now" but it feels so NATURAL.  Like this is just what I am supposed to be doing.  In my temporary trio we went and knocked on doors yesterday.  We didn't make any new buds, but it was a good experience.  We found a poor lost kitten int he snow, who had a collar and is clearly an indoor cat, but we knocked all over and couldn't find her home! we finally took her to cat loving members who will look after her till they find her home.  We couldn't leave her outside, she would have froze to literal death.  

  I can't think of what else to say.  I can't wait till I get all moved in to my apt and we do real missionary work.  that will be nice.  Apparently the Mission president assigned some sisters here, who were at first, called to Spanish speaking.  My companion is one of them.  And my Spanish is better than hers...and I only know the very basics.  The hermana from Spain who is Spanish speaking who I traveled with said I have a good accent. YEA!  although no se' mucho espanol.

 I keep falling asleep while I teach people.  And they  notice.  It is freaking me out! It's not like I am not paying attention or I don't care.  I just get so sleepy and it's warm and no matter how much I try to fight it my blinks become further and further apart! I am an awful missionary.  Who falls asleep while they teach people? me, that's who.  The most heartless, awful missionary out there.  But it's not like I ever have a chance to catch up on sleep, so I don't know how to fix it!

I hope all is well and you all get better.  the zoo pictures were HILLARIOUS!  made me giggle.  Patty looked BEAUTIFUL!  Why did she dye her hair back to brown She was staying strong for so long! NO PATTY NO! although she looked great. :)  YAY THE DOCTOR CAME TO OUR NEIGHBORHOOD! hahaha

Love you all!.  Stay warm, enjoy the sunshine because I don't have that chance and MERRY CHRISTMAS!  I wish I knew my address.

LOVE

SISTER ROBYN CRAMER

Week 2 IN MTC

Week #2
We were told we could email for a short time (so no epistle this week) today.(Dec 16th,2013)

first things first, THANKS MOM FOR THE PACKAGE SO MUCH! Sister Hall laughed so much when I was dancing around in my new purple accessories!  The peppermint bark delighted Sister Wall (the one form England) and it especially made ME smile! SO GOOD!  My favorite part was of course, the card.

 As for the phone calls, we CAN make them, I checked.  However, I would be making it sometime from 6-7 Utah time, so you would receive it sometime from 5-6 in the morning Tues.  If you are still in slumber (most likely) I will just leave a message or something. I dunno. 

I say Yea to  letters from the Primary! Sister Hall got some from her ward and they were CUTE! I already got pictures from Brady.-Thank you Aunt Carolyn!   I THINK one had Christmas trees in them, (it was either that or a monster with wide bumpy arms.  I couldn't tell.) But that made my day.  I plan to draw him something grand on the plane. 

  I have been eating. They had some pasta this week and I almost( actually I kind of did) dance for joy! PASTA! It was grand.

 Yes we can shake Elders Hands.  Sometimes I shake them and tell them it's a hug or high five. Or i just air five them.

  As for lip gloss I just use lots of chap stick and call it good.  

   The non member guy we were teaching was grumpy. As in really grumpy. He has grumpy eyes that could freeze your soul.  His name is Thomas and his character is that of a guy with a member wife but he is a Orthodox Christian.  The first time we taught him Sister Hill froze THE ENTIRE TIME and I did ALL OF THE SPEAKING FOR AN HOUR!  Not to mention the fact  I did awful the first time. Of course his big hiccup was the apostasy and that there is only one true church.  I was so stressed out by the giant belly flop sting of doing badly,  I forgot to set another appointment! 

 So the next day we came by pretending we were "in the neighborhood" and that went muchhhhhhh better!  I MADE sister Hall talk, but he mainly just talked about himself, his job, his wife and what he likes.  But at the end we asked him if he had any questions and he said he wanted to know what we believed, so we came back the next day and went over the articles of faith.  Which led to a lot of interesting topics, mainly about the God Head and the Great Apostasy.  But at the end he was silent for FOREVER and said he wanted us to come back the next day (which was not scheduled) and we just KNEW he felt the spirit.  So we did, and it went well, the spirit was strong, i mean nothing huge happened, but we could tell that he was SO BUMMED when we had to leave for dinner. I think in real life he is a member who joined because his wife was a member because I could feel him leading us in certain helpful directions. 

  Singing in the choir didn't happen. Sister hall makes me late for EVERYTHING, including we missed choir practice. At devotional  Elder Quentin Cook spoke and he was FANTASTIC. He emphasized a lot about Faith and being friendly.  At least I got the friendly part down, right? ;-)  Last night the BYU Men's choir sang and it was AMAZING! LIKE FOR REALS! I almost almost cried.  Which for me is basically blubbering.

Katie: I LOVE YOU!!! I hope all is well. I think of you often.   I hope Mark is well! AND YOU TOO!  The sisters were singing/quoting little mermaid songs the other day and i thought of you.

There are TONS of people who have constipation because of how hearty the meals are here, so here is my new song:

fruit fruit, the magical food. the more you eat, the more you poop!

The sisters thought it was gross, the elders started singing it with me. 

 One time while I was doing my giant stretches (in the bathroom, so i could still seem like a "lady") I was doing this giant big stretch, and sighed "ahhhhhh" right as Sister Parry opened the door and the Elders heard me.  So they thought it was from relief in El bathroomo and not from stretching.  Sister Parry and I laughed for like 20 minutes straight. Then we clarified with the elders.

Elly: I am glad i made you laugh! I do just stare at her and wait for about a minute and then take charge. but i am the senior companion now. MUWAHAHA the POWER! just kidding. now I force her to take charge. BAYUM TAKE THAT SISTER HALL! hahah just kidding she's actually really great. Kind of annoying because she likes to poke me with her pens and shoulder nudge me, but you get used to it.  I understand that I get to be travel leader since my last name starts with C.  Makes sense that's how I won. They are all so far down in the alphabet, that the first day I was alone in the classroom with the teachers for like 20 minutes. Talk about awwwkkkkkkkkwaaaaaaard. But really.  Although Brother Gregson is super nice. And really weird that he is only a year older than me.  I am the second oldest in our ZONE. freaky.  me and Sister Hall.  Not on drugs just blinking.

I LOVE YOU ALL TONS! NO REALLY!  don't forget to post on  FB! Patty needs to know! she already sent me a glorious picture of a unicorn fighting off garden gnomes. talk about grand.  Katie: BE AWESOME    ! BUD: I MEES YOU SOOO MUCH! I told Elder Robbins that he reminds me of you, but eet eees not the sameeeee. and to make up for the lack of noise just sing random tunes when walking down the hall. don't forget the imaginary bongo drums! (we once heard bongo drums coming out of the ladies bathroom. that is not a joke)      Elly: ILOVED YOUR LETTER! and Tacy's artwork. but really, made my day.

LOVE, HUGS, AND KISSES!

Sister Robyn Cramer 

Week 1 in MTC

Week#1
Dear family and friends (Tuesday Dec 10th 2013)

To answer Mom's questions first: 

1. I am doing pretty good! I bruised my arm on my bed one morning when I was jumping off my ladder in the dark. OOPSIES.  It is rather cold, as in really, but sometimes it almost feels nice.  My stomach has actually been pretty good!  The main problem is the food here.  Half the time it is fried.  They do have a salad bar, but it's basically rabbit food in a tortilla. So,  meanwhile everyone else is eating fried chicken, mashed potatoes and veggies with a giant slab of cheese cake,  Or everyone is eating tater tots and chicken nugget,  I sit in the corner eating a banana.  so, I eat, but not always as much as I would like to.

2. My companions name is Sister Hall.  She is from some tiny town in Utah called Blanding.  She is really nice and has a huge heart and loves everyone around her.  However, I was so worried about ME being the weaker link in a companionship, I never contemplated what it would be like if I was the "stronger" companion.  she is having a REALLY hard time adjusting to the MTC and mission life, and lets me know it, kind of a lot.  So that has been a challenge for me, to look past all the complaints, moaning and groaning to see the sister behind it all and see her for her.  I can see that she has a big heart and loves all those around her, that she has a really strong testimony because even though she NEVER wanted to serve a mission, and doesn't really want to be here, she is here because she knows this is where the Lord wants her.  I admire that.  She also seems to think I am the best thing since sliced bread and that I am super funny, so that's nice, but it can get old when she tries to read my facial expressions and think I am angry all the time, when we all know, I don't get angry.  And then she won't believe me when I tell her I am not angry. *sigh* we all have our own challenges.  It has been a blessing to try and help her with her homesickness and to deal with all of the stress, and Heavenly Father has blessed me to somehow have an easy time here.  The stress doesn't get to me that much, I am not homesick and I actually am enjoying it here a ton.  I think He gave me that blessing so I can help sister Hall since she is having an awful time, it's been harder for her here than it is for a fish to climb a tree.

3. I think I am learning the lessons. It's hard to tell.  I frankly don't know.  It basically seems like all the stuff I have known all my life, but in a more formal setting.  And then they make this whole ruckus about how we need to learn the restoration or the plan of salvation.  Yet, it's all stuff I already know.  What I have more of a problem with is managing to work WITH someone, planning it out and being formal. That's my issue and  the lessons are helping with that too.

4. P day (preparation day) is today.  Tuesday.  The temple is closed until January, so instead we sat around for 3 hours writing letters, since we have a specific time to email an do laundry.  So, Steven, Elly and Katie can expect letters being sent to our house. (I don't know either Elly's or Katies address, and since Elly is coming to visit, I hope it arrives while she is there).  Next Tuesday is when we travel to Kansas, and I am the travel leader of 3 other sisters and two elders!  SCARY.  Basically, I am in charge of making sure we get there in one piece. And if a flight is  delayed, or gets cancelled I am the lucky one who gets to call the travel office to notify them.  (The one job I would never want, they give me.)  Gotta love how the Lord works.  I have been told we can call home while in the airport, so...maybe!  Our flight leaves at 11 Utah time, so that means I could be calling around 9 California time.  I have no clue.  Nor do I know if the phone call rumor is a rumor or true.

5.  I wish I hadn't left my water bottle in the car.  The classes in the cafeteria are EXTREMELY small and I never get enough to drink. So I wish I had known to bring a water bottle!  I know you meant spiritual things I wish I had known, but I don't really know.  I feel like Heavenly father prepared me before I got here so I could be my crutch to my companion, so all my challenges are people related, not spiritual.  Another thing I wish I had known is that they tell you that you always have to wear lip gloss.  I packed mine away in a box in my room!  oops.  Apparently it makes people focus on our smile?  I dunno, they really want us to be "lady like". which I get, but part of me wants to be like Viola in the movie  "She's The Man" when they tell her to be lady like and she just takes a  giant bite out of a turkey leg and chews with her mouth open to show how "lady like" she is.  Because I am not lady like.  So that will be a fun challenge.

MY DISTRICT

Half of those in my district are serving in Rancho Cucumonga, California and the other half are serving in Kansas.  There are four elders and 6 sisters.  When I say half, I mean half, One companionship of sisters is going to California, another companionship is going to Kansas and my companionship is the merger, where sister Hall is going to California and I am going to Kansas.  So that's interesting.  Here are the sisters:

sister Parry:

19, from Utah, very perky and LOVES Disney and loves to sing the songs.  serving in Kansas

sister Speed:

JUST turned 21 in November, from Florida and is your stereotypical sister missionary.  She doesn't like to be girly, hates makeup, is fluent in Japanese and Latin and is a computer science major at BYU with a scholarship.  Serving in Kansas

sister Wall:

19. from ENGLAND. Has a delightful accent and informed me that mine is actually Australian.  Dang it.  She is one of our Sister training Leaders, very perky, very fun and unfortunately keeps being given a hard time because she is British. serving in California

sister Johnson:

21 , from Utah, loves sports and was going to school to be a PE teacher. A sister training leader.  She taught me how to serve correctly in volleyball yesterday, so I think she will be a great teacher.

sister Hall and I: we are like the night and day companionship.  she is very quiet and shy, meanwhile there is me.  So it is interesting to see how that pans out, but she is helping me be more quiet and I am trying to help her talk more. so I guess that's good.  I still tend to take over our practice lessons because she just won't jump in!

THE ELDERS

Elder Robbins:

His name keeps sending me through a loop because I think people are talking to me.  He is from WINNEMUCCA NV and I am the only one who knows where that is.  And he is the youngest in our district.  The little baby :-)

Elder Jones: He is the innocent one.  He is fro Kaysville UT (he said he doesn't know the Taylor clan) and when we started teaching our "investigators"- which are actually our teachers pretending to be people they taught-, he came back so SHOCKED with an identity crisis because he was so sure he was walking into that classroom to teach a real investigator even though we were told they would be our teachers.

 Those two are going to California and are our Zone Leaders

Elder Knight: he is our district leader and apparently brought 32 ties with him.  He also is obsessed with Soccer and has two scholarships waiting for him when he gets back.  He is from Utah.

Elder Simonson: Our resident nerd.- in a good kind of way.  apparently he develops 3D software.  And worked at  Lagoon Amusement Park for four years and likes to ask us random questions he created while working there to ask his co workers.  My favorite was the one about what super power we would have.

Those two are going to Kansas.

I have tried to upload from my camera but apparently it is blocking my camera.  according to sister Parry the only computers that accept them are in the laundry rooms. dag nabbit.

I have some good pics on there tho!  If that means anything.

The snow storm a week ago here was awful, you know I HATE snow. HATE it.  But we lived, the coat you bought me has been working splendidly! 

Overall, the experience here has been great, I mainly miss naps.  And we have to shower everyday, which is annoying since I shower every other day, but I have managed.  The sheets have an electrical charge in them, which terrifies me beyond words!  I love love love when we have personal study.  I get to study the Book of Mormon, or Preach My Gospel and it's GREAT.  Companionship study can be a bit wearing because sister Hall is the Senior Companion, but she won't, or doesn't know how to, take charge so we just sit there staring at each other till I take charge even though I'm not  supposed to.  So it can be challenging, especially since she never even knows what she wants to study or plan when we study together.  However, it just helps me to learn patience and that is something important to learn.  On the first day at the MTC they said there were TWO ROOMS both filled with 720 new missionaries.  Since you guys wanted to know how many new ones. apparently 1440.  

 I hope everyone is well.  I am doing pretty good.  I miss you all, but in a way that is more of a good thing that I am thinking of my family because it reminds me of why I am here and to keep going.  However, I guess it's not that way for everyone because we were told NOT to pray for our families at night because it makes some people more home sick?  Frankly the fact that I am not allowed to pray for my family upsets me more than not praying  for you.  So that bothers me, but I am trying to be obedient.  I don't really know what else to write.  We are "teaching" an "investigator" who is actually our teacher.  His name is Stephen (the character, not our teacher) and I think we are doing well?  I am not so sure to be honest.  there is also TRC where you teach REAL people that could or could not be members, they won't ever let us know.  However our person cancelled last night and I am terrified to teach him tomorrow because he is an orthodox christian who is taking the lessons to prove the church is wrong.  Sounds like a delightful breath of fresh air!(think PANIC)  Well, I guess I need to sign off.  Bah humbug.  I really wish my camera could send pictures, but they have a lot of security on these computers, which makes sense.  I hope you survived the cold weather, if it helps it's been in the single digits here and we "rejoice" when it snows because we know it has to be warmer to snow.  Tonight I am singing in the Choir, I wonder who will talk at the devotional?  A rumor has been going around for a month that Elder Holland is going to come. But he keeps "not coming" each week.  I think it's just a rumor.  We shall see.  Lots of love.  I hope you are all doing well.  I miss food that isn't fried back home. seriously.  What is it with the fried food here?  

LOVE YOU TONS!

sister Robyn Cramer

PS they have a strict rule about not flirting with the elders. Who would flirt with them, they are all 18!? I think it's funny.  Although yesterday one of the elders in my Zone said I am his fave sister and the sisters in my district joked that that would be "flirting". And we are not allowed to call anyone "guys" or high five anyone because it isn't lady like.  It's hard to adjust.

I haven't left yet.

I report to the MTC on December 4^th to serve a mission for my church, the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in Wichita Kansas. I set up this blog so my mom, can post my letters sent home so others can read what I am up to. This, is just a test run to see if it works.  As I was trying to figure out how it “open” my blog, I realized that I spoke in church as my “farewell” before I leave for 18 months, and I might as well put that on here.  This is not me saying that my talk was all that and a bag of chips.  This is not me trying to brag.  I just feel that this is the best way to get across why I am going to serve a mission.  Also, most of my family wasn’t there to hear it, so now they can at least read it.

When you receive a pop quiz in class, there tends to be three different types of students in the class taking the quiz. There is the student who showed up to class, was there for the lectures but didn’t really pay very much attention and didn’t take any notes, so they were completely unprepared for the pop quiz.  There is the student who attended class regularly, paid attention, took some notes and maybe applied what they learned outside of class once or twice, so when they receive a pop quiz this student does all right, but could definitely improve.  Lastly, there is the student who attends regularly, takes avid notes and reviews their notes outside of class, so ideally they will be prepared for a pop quiz. Life is full of pop quizzes of situations we should be prepared for, but is on us if we were.  How to treat others in non-ideal situations, kindness, prayer, standing in holy places and so many other circumstances.

I remember when I was four; I decided I wanted to go on a mission.  I was standing by my neighbor’s house with my brother and he was talking about how he wanted to one day serve a mission in Africa and I decided right then and there that I was going to serve a mission one day.  Ever since then, I tried to live my life in accordance to preparing for a mission. All my life I told people that, a mission was something I really wanted to do, but I was often told that I would probably change my mind by the time I was 21, but I always brushed off their  sentiments sure that a mission was what would be right for me.  And then I left for college.  College was full of friends, and fun and studies and a future career that I wanted to get to as soon as possible, and a mission just didn’t seem to fit into my new plans.  Although I still believed in the church and followed the counsel of the Prophets, I began to get too prideful, too “what if I lived a different lifestyle” wistful and my thoughts did not remain with heavenly father as much as they once had. Until one day, a longtime friend of mine had gotten in a fight over something that I started, over a silly thing and it got so out of hand that she told me she no longer knew who I was anymore and that our friendship was over.  That was a loud wakeup call, and I remember literally looking in the mirror, and seeing this girl who had focused so much on looking appealing on the outside, that the insides?  I didn’t like who I had become.  I realized then that I needed to turn my attentions more closely to the Lord. With a lot of much needed prayer and scripture study I felt my spirit begin to be back in tune with the Lord again, my heart began to soften and I was able to feel the spirit more often and frequently than I ever had before in my life.

 And then, the age change announcement was made, and I realized at that moment that even though I was only 20, if the Lord permitted, I could be on a mission relatively soon and the childhood dream that I had turned away from before, could possibly happen.  However, the key words were if the Lord permitted.  I prayed about it and instantly got a solid NO.  I was flabbergasted, sad, hurt and confused.  I was trying hard to be righteous, yet I felt very strongly that I was wanted at home, not in the mission field, that home was where I was wanted.  As disappointing as it was, I was glad that I was able to receive an answer from the Lord and to feel his spirit in his answer.  Over the next few months I went through some really rough challenges and trials.  But without them, I wouldn’t be standing here before you now, because they helped to strengthen my spirit and my testimony in the Lord.  Throughout my challenges I turned to the Lord for help and guidance and as a shoulder to cry on until I had gotten to a point in my life, when there was a future goal that I really wanted to achieve for myself, so badly.  I had prayed about it at first and it felt right, but months later, those plans were just not panning out and every time I “prayed” about it, I wouldn’t listen for the real answer, I just wanted the Lord’s confirmation I was making the right choice, and I didn’t want to know the truth.  It got to the point where my hope had been so fruitless that I got depressed, and sad.  I finally was humbled before Lord, and my pride was able to diminish so that I was ready for any answer, as long as I could be happier than I was then.

 After humbling myself with prayer and scripture study and telling the Lord that I was putting myself in HIS hands, I had to wait.  A week later I got my answer, when I was in my grandparents ward and a girl was giving her mission farewell talk.  I remember sitting in the pew thinking how LUCKY she was, that she had the opportunity when suddenly I felt that I should pray about a mission again.  I kept trying to brush it off, because I had already received my answer, right?  Yet throughout her talk I kept feeling stronger and stronger that I needed to pray about a mission again.  Surely enough, after prayer and fasting I knew a mission is where the Lord wants me now. 

Was all of that hard to go through? You bet.     Yet I know that whether or not if I was going to go on a mission, the reason I knew what Heavenly Father wanted of me, was that I had spiritually prepared without really realizing it.  I had prepared so that I could stand in holy places, or more importantly, so that the Lord’s spirit could preside in me, and bodies are holy places.

            I remember when I was a little girl and people would talk about standing in holy places I would suddenly imagine someone standing on the temple grounds with a thick fog everywhere but the temple grounds that I pictured as the world, and somewhere not to go.  But, as I have gotten older, I have grown to realize there is more to it than that.  We have to prepare not just our bodies, but our spirits so that they themselves are holy places and we can feel the spirit with us at all times.  Which is easier said than done.  In today’s world, much of what is considered the norm and what would be strange to partake in is harmful to our souls.  We have to be careful to dress modest, watch what kind of substance we partake in and if they could harm us, and be careful of the media around us, to name a few temptations.  We all have our weaknesses that Satan will try to tempt us with, try to degrade our spirits and keep them from being holy.  .    

          “ 18 Behold, verily, verily, I say unto you, ye must watch and pray always lest ye enter into temptation; for Satan desireth to have you, that he may sift you as wheat. 19 Therefore ye must always pray unto the Father in my name; 20 And whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you.” 3 Nephi 18:18-20    Today’s society, makes sin look so tantalizing and following the straight and narrow path look so…OLD FASHIONED and rude and ignorant.  What was once considered not an okay thing, is now often something we should be only sort of following depending on how we feel about it.  We should NOT take captain Barbosa’s advice that the rules are only guidelines and instead we should listen to our leader, Heavenly Father.

          Heavenly Father wants us to do well.  He is our number one cheerleader who roots for us every time we make a good, or wise decision, and is our counselor to listen to us and console us whenever we either make unwise choices or are in an unwise situation.  When I stop and look at how much Jesus and Heavenly Father are there for me, I realize how litter appreciation we give them.  We are asked to try and live our lives a certain way by our loving Lord who has given us so much.  He asks us to live our lives a certain way that is actually more freeing and to try and remember him in all ways so that we can return with him and feel his promptings daily.  Yet, we allow ourselves to be distracted by the temporary world that promises us nothing long term and can often be seen as the easy way out over what is definitely hard work to try and stay close to the Lord and our Savior but has lasting benefits.  When we take a look in that mirror, we can always found needing improvement in how we worship the Lord because he has done so much in giving us this world, our bodies and the Atonement so we can come back to live with him again.  We can’t really come up even with that, ever.  So when I sometimes stop and think about that, I feel so ashamed for having the occasional feelings of lack of motivation to read my scriptures, say my prayers, and try hard to stay away from the temptations of the world.  It is NOT easy, and it never will be.  But I think that’s the point, if it were easy, it wouldn’t be worth it.  Yet, the more we strive to become closer to our lord in heart and mind, the easier he will make it for us to get through our challenges and trials.  That does NOT mean that our trials will be easier, not by any means.  Yet, we will have a friend by our side at all times, who will listen when we talk to him and will comfort to us through our struggles. 

I am so grateful for the comfort and help I have had through my struggles and trials in my life so far.  They have made my life, although not any easier, it has made it easier to keep going in life.  If I did not strive to try and do as our Lord has asked so that I can stand in Holy Places and so that the sprit can dwell in me, I don’t think I would have had the capability to feel the comfort of the spirit in all those challenging times.  Standing in Holy places and the preparation to do so, is not easy, but it is worth it and it helps to make life more worthwhile as we go through it so that one day, we have the chance to be with our Heavenly Father again.