I report to the MTC on December 4th to serve a
mission for my church, the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints in
Wichita Kansas. I set up this blog so my mom, can post my letters sent home so
others can read what I am up to. This, is just a test run to see if it
works. As I was trying to figure out how
it “open” my blog, I realized that I spoke in church as my “farewell” before I
leave for 18 months, and I might as well put that on here. This is not me saying that my talk was all
that and a bag of chips. This is not me
trying to brag. I just feel that this is
the best way to get across why I am going to serve a mission. Also, most of my family wasn’t there to hear
it, so now they can at least read it.
When you receive a pop
quiz in class, there tends to be three different types of students in the class
taking the quiz. There is the student who showed up to class, was there for the
lectures but didn’t really pay very much attention and didn’t take any notes,
so they were completely unprepared for the pop quiz. There is the student who attended class
regularly, paid attention, took some notes and maybe applied what they learned
outside of class once or twice, so when they receive a pop quiz this student does
all right, but could definitely improve.
Lastly, there is the student who attends regularly, takes avid notes and
reviews their notes outside of class, so ideally they will be prepared for a
pop quiz. Life is full of pop quizzes of situations we should be prepared for,
but is on us if we were. How to treat
others in non-ideal situations, kindness, prayer, standing in holy places and
so many other circumstances.
I remember when I was four;
I decided I wanted to go on a mission. I
was standing by my neighbor’s house with my brother and he was talking about
how he wanted to one day serve a mission in Africa and I decided right then and
there that I was going to serve a mission one day. Ever since then, I tried to live my life in
accordance to preparing for a mission. All my life I told people that, a
mission was something I really wanted to do, but I was often told that I would
probably change my mind by the time I was 21, but I always brushed off
their sentiments sure that a mission was
what would be right for me. And then I
left for college. College was full of
friends, and fun and studies and a future career that I wanted to get to as
soon as possible, and a mission just didn’t seem to fit into my new plans. Although I still believed in the church and
followed the counsel of the Prophets, I began to get too prideful, too “what if
I lived a different lifestyle” wistful and my thoughts did not remain with
heavenly father as much as they once had. Until one day, a longtime friend of
mine had gotten in a fight over something that I started, over a silly thing
and it got so out of hand that she told me she no longer knew who I was anymore
and that our friendship was over. That
was a loud wakeup call, and I remember literally looking in the mirror, and
seeing this girl who had focused so much on looking appealing on the outside,
that the insides? I didn’t like who I
had become. I realized then that I
needed to turn my attentions more closely to the Lord. With a lot of much
needed prayer and scripture study I felt my spirit begin to be back in tune
with the Lord again, my heart began to soften and I was able to feel the spirit
more often and frequently than I ever had before in my life.
And then, the age change announcement was
made, and I realized at that moment that even though I was only 20, if the Lord
permitted, I could be on a mission relatively soon and the childhood dream that
I had turned away from before, could possibly happen. However, the key words were if the Lord
permitted. I prayed about it and
instantly got a solid NO. I was flabbergasted,
sad, hurt and confused. I was trying
hard to be righteous, yet I felt very strongly that I was wanted at home, not
in the mission field, that home was where I was wanted. As disappointing as it was, I was glad that I
was able to receive an answer from the Lord and to feel his spirit in his
answer. Over the next few months I went
through some really rough challenges and trials. But without them, I wouldn’t be standing here
before you now, because they helped to strengthen my spirit and my testimony in
the Lord. Throughout my challenges I
turned to the Lord for help and guidance and as a shoulder to cry on until I
had gotten to a point in my life, when there was a future goal that I really
wanted to achieve for myself, so badly.
I had prayed about it at first and it felt right, but months later,
those plans were just not panning out and every time I “prayed” about it, I
wouldn’t listen for the real answer, I just wanted the Lord’s confirmation I
was making the right choice, and I didn’t want to know the truth. It got to the point where my hope had been so
fruitless that I got depressed, and sad.
I finally was humbled before Lord, and my pride was able to diminish so
that I was ready for any answer, as long as I could be happier than I was then.
After humbling myself with prayer and
scripture study and telling the Lord that I was putting myself in HIS hands, I
had to wait. A week later I got my
answer, when I was in my grandparents ward and a girl was giving her mission
farewell talk. I remember sitting in the
pew thinking how LUCKY she was, that she had the opportunity when suddenly I
felt that I should pray about a mission again.
I kept trying to brush it off, because I had already received my answer,
right? Yet throughout her talk I kept
feeling stronger and stronger that I needed to pray about a mission again. Surely enough, after prayer and fasting I
knew a mission is where the Lord wants me now.
Was all of that hard to
go through? You bet. Yet I know that whether or not if I was going
to go on a mission, the reason I knew what Heavenly Father wanted of me, was
that I had spiritually prepared without really realizing it. I had prepared so that I could stand in holy
places, or more importantly, so that the Lord’s spirit could preside in me, and
bodies are holy places.
I remember when I was a
little girl and people would talk about standing in holy places I would
suddenly imagine someone standing on the temple grounds with a thick fog
everywhere but the temple grounds that I pictured as the world, and somewhere
not to go. But, as I have gotten older,
I have grown to realize there is more to it than that. We have to prepare not just our bodies, but
our spirits so that they themselves are holy places and we can feel the spirit
with us at all times. Which is easier
said than done. In today’s world, much
of what is considered the norm and what would be strange to partake in is harmful
to our souls. We have to be careful to
dress modest, watch what kind of substance we partake in and if they could harm
us, and be careful of the media around us, to name a few temptations. We all have our weaknesses that Satan will
try to tempt us with, try to degrade our spirits and keep them from being
holy. .
“ 18 Behold, verily, verily, I say unto you, ye must watch and
pray always lest ye enter into temptation; for Satan desireth to have you, that he may sift
you as wheat. 19 Therefore
ye must always pray unto the Father in my name; 20 And whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in my name, which
is right, believing that ye shall receive, behold it shall be given unto you.”
3 Nephi 18:18-20 Today’s society, makes sin look so
tantalizing and following the straight and narrow path look so…OLD FASHIONED
and rude and ignorant. What was once considered
not an okay thing, is now often something we should be only sort of following depending
on how we feel about it. We should NOT
take captain Barbosa’s advice that the rules are only guidelines and instead we
should listen to our leader, Heavenly
Father.
Heavenly
Father wants us to do well. He is our
number one cheerleader who roots for us every time we make a good, or wise
decision, and is our counselor to listen to us and console us whenever we
either make unwise choices or are in an unwise situation. When I stop and look at how much Jesus and
Heavenly Father are there for me, I realize how litter appreciation we give
them. We are asked to try and live our
lives a certain way by our loving Lord who has given us so much. He asks us to live our lives a certain way
that is actually more freeing and to try and remember him in all ways so that
we can return with him and feel his promptings daily. Yet, we allow ourselves to be distracted by
the temporary world that promises us nothing long term and can often be seen as
the easy way out over what is definitely hard work to try and stay close to the
Lord and our Savior but has lasting benefits.
When we take a look in that mirror, we can always found needing
improvement in how we worship the Lord because he has done so much in giving us
this world, our bodies and the Atonement so we can come back to live with him
again. We can’t really come up even with
that, ever. So when I sometimes stop and
think about that, I feel so ashamed for having the occasional feelings of lack
of motivation to read my scriptures, say my prayers, and try hard to stay away
from the temptations of the world. It is
NOT easy, and it never will be. But I
think that’s the point, if it were easy, it wouldn’t be worth it. Yet, the more we strive to become closer to
our lord in heart and mind, the easier he will make it for us to get through
our challenges and trials. That does NOT
mean that our trials will be easier, not by any means. Yet, we will have a friend by our side at all
times, who will listen when we talk to him and will comfort to us through our
struggles.
I am so grateful
for the comfort and help I have had through my struggles and trials in my life
so far. They have made my life, although
not any easier, it has made it easier to keep going in life. If I did not strive to try and do as our Lord
has asked so that I can stand in Holy Places and so that the sprit can dwell in
me, I don’t think I would have had the capability to feel the comfort of the
spirit in all those challenging times.
Standing in Holy places and the preparation to do so, is not easy, but
it is worth it and it helps to make life more worthwhile as we go through it so
that one day, we have the chance to be with our Heavenly Father again.
